Letters to (mostly) Inanimate Objects

Dear Ameda Purely Yours breastpump,
At first I was mad in the lactation room when I found out that you didn't tell me that I forgot to pack the cones, but you knew what you were doing.  You knew I was sick and needed to go home.  Thanks for having my back.  I guess I should trust you after 5 month of letting you suck my nipples.
Thanks!
Angie


Dear Attic Fan,
If I would have known that you have magical mesmerizing powers over babies...why didn't you tell us that your specialty is putting babies to sleep?  We would have turned you on months ago.
Love,
Angie


Dear Captain of Hair Follicles,
What kind of show are you running?  You have a lot of defectors and they're all over the house.  I knew a lot of you were going to jump ship after I had the baby, but geez, it's been 5 months.  Get it together...I'm scared I'm going to be bald by next Saturday.
Angie 

Dear Scrubbing Bubbles Automatic Shower Cleaner,
Well, you are a disappointment.  
Angie

Hey Boobs,
Why so sad?  Perk up.
Angie

Dear Medela Nursing Bra Package,
Your photo is clearly not a true representation.  The woman does not have a uniboob.  Stop trying to make the rest of us feel bad.
Angie